Fear of Failure

What is failure? Why are we so scared of it? A quick look in Webster's tells me the transitive verb form means to abandon or forsake; to leave undone or neglect. Those seem like reasonable definitions to me. If you're reading this, you're still in the game. Nothing is totally left undone until you're on the other side of the grass.

Recently, I learned Walt Disney was fired when he wrote for the Kansas City Star for "lack of imagination." Apparently, his story ideas were lacking. He had a few more failed businesses before his first movie, "Snow White." Obviously he didn't stay in the newspaper business, but no one can say he left this world as a failure.

Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first news anchor position in Baltimore for "becoming to emotionally involved in her stories." I doubt there's anyone today who would say her ability to empathize with her subjects is her fatal flaw. Quite the contrary, she has amassed a media empire with an estimated worth of around $3 billion.

The University of Southern California's film school rejected Steven Spielberg twice because he had mediocre grades. He's estimated worth is around $9 billion with at least three Academy Awards.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Six championships and five MVPs later, some might say he's one of the greatest basketball players of all time.

I think my favorite is Stephen King. His first novel, "Carrie," was rejected for publication 30 times.

I don't think the words neglect, abandon, or leaving something undone could ever be attributed to any of these people. Did they fail some? Hell yes. After licking their wounds, they simply pivoted. Their were some crooks and big curves on their journeys to success, but never once did they leave the game. Maybe their field of play changed a little. Maybe it was always supposed to change and they just didn't know it. But they kept going. Circumstances be damned. It's okay to red shirt. Take a break. Reevaluate, but don't stop.

Circa 1996-97, I rolled a vehicle. Okay, maybe I've rolled a couple, but I distinctly remember a paramedic in the ambulance ride after the worst one. I was on I-40 somewhere between Little Rock and Hazen, Arkansas and came up on road construction loose gravel going entirely too fast. The vehicle swerved and rolled across four lanes of the highway ending up in the woods. Ironically, I was on my way to a job interview for teaching high school English. Didn't make it to the interview. All of the glass was gone from the little SUV. My Kia Sportage was upside down in the woods when I heard people's voices saying, "someone is moving. They might be alive." A lot of that day is foggy, but I remember those voices and a particular paramedic on the scene. During my ride to the hospital, he told me I was destined for something in this world. "There's no other explanation for why you walked away from a wreck like that. There's a plan for you, girl."

Depressed and angry at the world I didn't really listen to him, but I never forgot his words either. I felt like wanted to abandon this life for a hot second, but I didn't. My path veered. I taught school somewhere else. Got divorced and remarried. Raised two daughters. Have lived in four different states and am still finding my footing, but I haven't given up.

Recently, I had a friend from high school reach out because she's about to have a grandbaby come into this world with almost the same exact birth defect I was born with. I'm grateful she contacted me. It's given me a lot time to reflect. In 1972, a baby born with one lung wasn't expected to live past the age of 5. Medical technology hadn't come up with a solution to correct the empty space in the chest cavity. And that surgical invention didn't come around until 1991 when I had it.

At 27 years of age, I was told to abort my first child, because child birth would be too large a strain on the respiratory system. I didn't and had my first daughter in 1999. She was early and has special needs, but still graduated college. She has a job and last year created her own production company. In 2006, I had my second daughter. She was still early, but fine and a freshman at Ole Miss right now. My youngest has started teaching group fitness classes for the University.

What if I had abandoned this crazy road I've been traveling? What if Walt Disney believed he wasn't creative enough? What if Oprah thought she was too emotionally invested in her subjects? What if Stephen King threw his first novel in the trash and gave up? What if Spielberg gave up his dream of making movies? Oh my goodness, what if Michael Jordan had quit basketball? You wouldn't have those cool Air Jordans you're wearing right now.

Everyone has days they feel like a failure. Someone may even verbalize it, but it's only complete failure when someone abandons or neglects their path. Remember, it may veer, double back, might even roll over, but you just regroup and get back up. There may be fear, but that's okay too. Just don't let it stop you from getting back up and trying again. History has proven you may fail several times on your road in life, but you still stay in the game. There will come a time when your road will end, but until that day your badass needs to keep on trucking. You never know what's waiting for you just around the corner.